The real cost of questioning ADHD: why people need support while they wait

The short version: if you only have a couple of minutes

Bethany Hewitt died while waiting for an ADHD assessment. The coroner did not say that a diagnosis would have prevented her death, but found that the long wait and worsening perceived ADHD symptoms likely contributed to a decline in her mental health. The report raises serious concerns about how people are supported while they wait.

I have supported many people who have been pushed to the brink by ADHD that has gone unrecognised or unsupported. That is why media coverage that questions ADHD’s legitimacy can be so damaging: it may deepen self-doubt and make people less likely to seek help.

Assessment matters, but support should not have to wait for a diagnosis. If you are struggling, speak with your GP about your mental health and what has changed. Ask what practical help might be available at work, school or in your community. Psychological support and ADHD-informed coaching can also help with emotional impact and everyday strategies; you do not need a formal diagnosis to explore coaching with me.

Not every difficulty is ADHD, and careful assessment matters. But people’s distress deserves to be taken seriously now. We can discuss good assessment and service standards without dismissing the people who need help.

The real cost of questioning ADHD

I wish I could say that the news about Bethany Hewitt was surprising. It wasn’t.

One of the main reasons I became a psychologist was that I have always been deeply affected by stories of people reaching a point where taking their own life feels like the only way out of their pain. It breaks my heart to think of someone feeling so alone and unable to see another way through. That feeling has stayed with me throughout my career and is a big part of what drives my work. Bethany’s story, and the coroner’s findings about the wait and her worsening perceived ADHD symptoms, moved me deeply.

I have supported many people who have been brought to the brink by the experience of living with ADHD that has gone unrecognised, unsupported or misunderstood. I have seen the toll of trying to manage difficulties that other people may interpret as laziness, carelessness, lack of effort or a personal failing. I have heard the exhaustion, shame and despair that can build when someone keeps struggling and cannot get a clear explanation or timely help.

That is why the recent media coverage questioning the legitimacy of ADHD has felt so troubling to me. Discussion about assessment standards, access to services and the quality of care matters. But broad claims that cast doubt on ADHD, or suggest that people are exaggerating ordinary difficulties, can land heavily on people who are already trying to make sense of their lives.

Words matter. They shape whether someone feels able to ask for help, whether they are believed, and whether they blame themselves for finding things difficult.

A death that should make us pay attention

The BBC recently reported on Bethany Hewitt, who died while waiting for an ADHD assessment. She had been referred in February 2023 and had not been assessed by the time she died in February 2026.

The coroner’s report does not say that an ADHD diagnosis would have prevented her death, and it records that the question of intent remained unclear. It does say that the long wait for an assessment and a worsening in her perceived ADHD symptoms likely contributed to a decline in her mental health. It also raises concerns about delays, communication, follow-up and missed opportunities to review her care.

Those details matter. This is not a story that allows us to claim we know exactly what would have happened with a different pathway. It is a serious warning about what can happen when people are left struggling without timely assessment, consistent follow-up or enough support.

A person should not have to reach crisis point before their distress is taken seriously.

The cost of being disbelieved

When public conversations imply that ADHD is not real, is being invented, or is simply an excuse, the impact is not abstract. People who already doubt themselves may take those messages as further evidence that they are weak, dramatic or failing to try hard enough.

For someone waiting for an assessment, the uncertainty can be painful in itself. They may be asking: “Why does everything take me so much effort?” “Why can I manage some things but not others?” “Why do I keep letting people down, even when I care?” They may be trying to hold down a job, care for children, maintain relationships and manage daily tasks while privately feeling as though they are coming apart.

Some people have spent years compensating, masking or pushing themselves harder. From the outside, they may look as if they are coping. That does not tell us what it costs them, or how close they feel to being unable to continue.

Questioning a person’s experience rarely helps them understand what is happening. It can make it harder to speak honestly and easier to retreat into shame.

Assessment matters, and support matters now

An assessment can be valuable. It may help someone understand their experiences, consider treatment options and explain what support could help. For some people, diagnosis is an important step towards medication or formal adjustments.

But assessment is not the only moment at which help can begin. A long waiting list should not mean a person has to put their wellbeing on hold.

If you are waiting, you can still ask for help with the difficulties you are experiencing. You can speak with your GP about your mental health, the impact of day-to-day difficulties and any change in how you are coping. If your wellbeing worsens, tell someone and ask for a review; don’t assume you need to wait until the assessment appointment. You can also ask what practical support may be available at work, in education or in your community. In many situations, support can be based on needs and their impact, rather than waiting for a formal label.

It may help to keep a brief record of what is difficult, what is going well, what you have tried and what the impact is. This can help you explain your needs to a professional or employer. Small adjustments can make a meaningful difference: written instructions, reminders, breaking tasks into smaller steps, fewer distractions, realistic deadlines, or help prioritising. These are not proof of a diagnosis; they are practical ways of making everyday demands more manageable.

In Scotland, additional support for a child or young person’s learning is not dependent on a formal diagnosis. At work, Acas says that workers do not need a diagnosis to be considered for support or reasonable adjustments, although the legal position depends on the person’s circumstances and the effect of their condition. These are useful reminders that practical conversations about needs can begin before an assessment is complete.

Psychological support can also help people make sense of their experiences, address the emotional impact of years of criticism or self-blame, and develop strategies that fit their lives. ADHD-informed coaching may help with practical goals such as routines, planning, task initiation and follow-through. You do not need to have a formal diagnosis to explore ADHD-informed coaching with me. Coaching is not a replacement for an ADHD assessment or mental health care when those are needed, but it can be one useful source of support.

Why I keep sharing information

This is one reason I write about ADHD on my website and create social media content. I want people to find thoughtful, evidence-informed information that helps them understand their options and feel less alone while they are waiting.

I also want to make support more accessible. Private support is not affordable for everyone, and I am planning more cost-conscious ways for people to access practical resources. Information and tools cannot fix long waiting lists or replace appropriate clinical care, but they can offer a starting point and help someone take the next step.

I do not believe that every difficulty is ADHD, or that every person who wonders about ADHD will meet diagnostic criteria. A careful assessment matters. So does humility about what we do not know, and respect for people who are describing real difficulties.

We can talk about good assessment, appropriate prescribing and how services should improve without dismissing ADHD or casting suspicion on everyone who seeks help. We can take the possibility of misdiagnosis seriously while also taking the harm of missed, delayed or unsupported needs seriously.

The question I want us to ask is not, “Are people making this up?” It is, “What is this person finding hard, what might be contributing to it, and what support could help now?”

Nobody should have to wait for a diagnosis before their distress is believed.

If you are waiting for assessment and your mental health is deteriorating, please contact your GP or another appropriate health professional and tell them clearly what has changed. If you feel at immediate risk, seek urgent help through local emergency or crisis services.

Further reading and support

• BBC News: Woman died after three-year ADHD assessment wait
• Bethany Hewitt: Prevention of future deaths report
• NHS: ADHD in adults
• Education Scotland: Additional support for learning
• Acas: Adjustments for neurodiversity at work
• My blog: Do I need an ADHD diagnosis? Pros, cons and next steps
• ADHD-informed coaching with Dr Clare Stone

If you are in Scotland and need urgent mental health support, NHS 24 can be contacted on 111. If there is an immediate danger to life, call 999.